Self-forgetfulness

The biggest thing that God has shown me thus far in the summer is my sin. The root of all sin is pride according to C.S. Lewis. Looking at my life, it really is the cause of all of my sin. Feeling superior to others, feeling inferior to others so acting to counteract that feeling, wanting to feel superior, comparing myself to others, and countless other sins that are caused by self-exaltation. We listened to a sermon this week by Tim Keller called “Humility: Blessed Self-forgetfulness.”

Paul says in 1 Corinthians 4, “I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me” (v. 3, 4; NIV).

According to Keller, pride is an overinflated, swollen, inflamed ego. However, the heart is empty. You have built your life around something other than God (self). Pride is busy! My ego is constantly comparing myself to others and boasting; it is trying to fill its emptiness. “Pride by nature is competitive” (C.S. Lewis). Our ego is also fragile because it is overinflated. It is “puffed up and not filled up.”

If we look at the life of Paul from 1 Corinthians 4, we see that he thinks this: “I don’t care what people think about me. I don’t care what I think of myself. I only care about what God thinks.” And the awesome thing about that is that God looks at us like we are perfect because we are covered with the blood of Christ! Why should we care about what others think of us or what we think about ourselves?

Tim Keller calls this self-forgetfulness. Have you ever just forgotten yourself? Just completely forgot about your feelings, pains, emotions, how you are looking to everyone else and focused your thoughts on other things such as the Lord and serving others? When do you feel your toes? Only when they hurt. Otherwise you have forgotten them. I’ll admit that I rarely even think to try to do that. I’m always caring about how I look (to others and myself), how I behave around others, and how I can impress people. Notice a common theme in each phrase? What can I do for me. Why not how can I be serving others through my words and actions right now? How can I be praising the Lord and bringing His name glory right now?

Since hearing this sermon and discussing it with other girls on our team, it has made me really want to forget myself. I’ll tell you, it really is a freeing feeling to not care about how I look here in Thailand. I have been trying to focus on how I can serve our team instead of how I can impress them with my ministry. But it has been so hard.

God is revealing so much sin in my life and it really hurts. My ego has taken a hit because I haven’t convinced myself that it only matters what God thinks of me and He sees Jesus in me. It’s amazing for me to see how I am here to share the gospel but I am not seeing it in my own life.

As for ministry on campus, week four has begun along with a new chapter in our ministry. Now that we have made over 100 new contacts (praise God!), we are slowing down to follow up with girls that we had a strong response from. Last week we went to Wan Wai Kru which is an event where freshmen make elaborate gifts for their teachers out of banana leaves, flowers, and ribbon. They were so beautiful! While the students spent countless hours making these gifts, we were able to sit down with them and get to talk with new students and with girls that we already knew. It was such a great night!

I have gotten into deep conversations with girls, especially about Buddhism, and have been able to talk to them about the Lord and share the gospel! It is such a reaffirmation of my faith to share it with others! Please be praying that we can continue to hang out with these girls to grow in our friendships with them in order to establish trust to share the gospel.

Thank you for being supportive with your prayers!

In Christ,
Christine ><>