Be Where You Are

 Wedding season is among us.  My first wedding of the year was last week.  And it's all snowballing from here.  I am a bridesmaid in three weddings this year alone.  I am going to probably a dozen from now until the fall.  And there will be countless more engagements once we hit the holidays.  It's really easy for me to sit back and throw myself a pity party.  I'm 25, have two degrees and a stable job, have a dog and well-decorated apartment.  To an outsider, all I'm missing is a husband! ...and that's exactly what society thinks.  "Christine, when are you getting married?" "Christine, why aren't you married yet??" Y'all, here it is.  I'm laying it out there for you: It's not God's timing.

One thing I've learned amidst all the engagements last fall is to be where you are.  As I was shopping with my roommate Kathryn (the soon-to-be Mrs. White), I showed her a white lacy dress and suggested she consider it a "going-away" dress for her future wedding.  She was not engaged at the time, so she sighed heavily and replied, "We're not there yet. I'm not engaged. I just want to be where I am."

What??!! That was huge for me.  Here is a girl who is in a serious relationship and has every "right" to daydream about her wedding, and she doesn't!  Us single gals imagine our future weddings when we don't even have the groom and here Kathryn is, guarding her heart.  I took that line, "Be where you are" and applied it to my own life.

Fast forward three months to a time I first really felt this.  I was sitting in Odette's with my friend Sydney on Valentine's Day.  We had just seen a play and had a lovely dinner, just us two gal pals.  We were sitting there gushing about boys and the dates we had been on in the past year.  It just hit me as I was sitting there: I am loving this season of my life.  I love being a single 25-year-old (which by the way, is totally normal anywhere else in the States).  I love having a dog and roommates.  I love being able to stay late at work if I need to and cooking for just me.  I love going to the gym and laying on the couch all night if I want to.  I love meeting random guys and going on dates, even if it's just one. I love spending time with young girls in our community and teaching them the ways of Jesus.  I love hanging out with other women and learning from them.  God has me in this season for a reason and I can see why.  I am learning so much about Him, myself, and how to love others.

Now, this is not to say that the single life is better.  If you got married at 20, good for you!  You were able to find the one who your soul loves so early so you can spend more time with that person! And if you are still single, you have even more time to pour into those around you.  The saying that changed my perspective, "Be where you are" can be applied to anyone's life, no matter what stage.  If you are a young spouse, be where you are.  Enjoy growing up with your husband or wife.  If you are still single, be where you are.  Hang out with friends, go on lots of dates, enjoy being by yourself.  If you are a parent, be where you are.  Don't wish you were single or childless again.  You have the blessing of children!  I've heard this stage goes by fast so enjoy it.  If you are empty-nesters, be where you are.  Don't be sad about the lost days of having children at home.  Enjoy your time with your grown children, grandchildren, and spouse that you've grown old with.

We all pass through many stages in our lifetime, all ordained by our Father God.  And Father knows best.  He has planned with eternity in mind and when you enter each stage, reflect on how that moment is God-ordained.

Be. Where. You. Are.

In Christ,
Christine <><

Jesus Cares

Do you ever feel the longing for someone to understand you, to feel what you feel from the inside out?  Do you feel like David when he wrote Psalm 142?

"I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble...look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life." (vs. 1, 2, 4)

I certainly feel like this certain days.  But David brings us comfort in verses 5-7:

"I cry to you, O Lord; I say, 'You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.' Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need...set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me."

God is our refuge. He is our sanctuary, our safe place.  He is everything we need, our portion. 

Think of a situation where you felt loss, betrayal, abandonment, or fear. What would it mean to take in the reality that Christ understands, that He has lived your experience?  Have you lost a friendship? Jesus' disciples deserted Him.  Have you had a fear of the future?  Jesus trusted God even when He feared His crucifixion.  Jesus empathizes with us. That is what is so unique about our Savior-He has lived in this world. He knows.

Walking with God during a hard time in your life can result in the deepening friendship with the Lord.  In trusting in Him and relying on Him, I grow closer to Him.  He becomes more real to me as I see my need for Him. 

Psalm 23:4 reminds us that Christ is present in the shadow in the valley of death.  Even on my worst days, even when I think death is approaching, Christ is there.  If He is there in death, He is certainly with me during my everyday life.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

I hope and pray that you find a friend in Jesus as I certainly have. He has been of great comfort this summer as He has reminded me time and time again, "I love you. I will provide for you."

In Christ,
Christine ><>

I'm Second

Have you really thought about what it means to "come in second?" What does it mean to put God first?  I definitely live sometimes as though it all depends on me.  Recently, while searching for jobs, I have felt like it is all up to me; I'm the one typing in the information on the computer; I'm the one mailing off my resume; I'm the one going to interviews. But is that really true? The Lord has ordained each of those steps; He knew each one before I came to be (Psalm 139).  During those times that I take control of my life, I feel like I am under a lot of pressure.  I expect to do everything perfectly and when I don't, I feel like a failure.  Proof that depending on yourself and not the Lord does not lead you anywhere.

When I think that I absolutely must find the "right" path or the "perfect" choice, my fear is that I will fail and mess things up for my future. But if I truly believed in the sovereignty of God, I would not have this fear. Even if I "mess up," it was all part of God's plan to sanctify me.  I am afraid sometimes to simply pray, trust God, and step out in faith because I am afraid I won't get what I want.  Do you ever feel this way?

"But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations." Psalm 33:11

"I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that mean will revere him." Ecclesiastes 3:14

"I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come.  I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please." Isaiah 46:10

Do you find comfort in those verses like I do?  God has a plan; He has since the beginning of creation and nothing will thwart that.  However, the challenge is having faith that God's plan has nothing but good things for me.  I often focus on the things that don't go "my" way.

Can you think about one thing in your life that you wish had turned out differently?  God never wastes an experience on us; He uses it for our good and His glory.

Have you ever thought about how worry and despair is a sin?  The early church fathers did.  Francis Chan discusses it in his book Crazy Love as well as Linda Dillow in Calm My Anxious Heart.  Worrying is a sin because we aren't trusting the Lord.  Wallowing in despair is sin because it is proclaiming we believe God gave up on us.  All of this is not true and is against who God is.

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10  (I have read that "workmanship" can be translated to "poem." Isn't that beautiful?)

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

God created me, and you, for a purpose that He will carry to completion.

Now the practical question is, how will you see your life differently through the lens of God's sovereignty?  I try to see every single moment of my life with purpose.  I know that if something doesn't "work out," then God has something better for me. Better than my dreams.

In Christ,
Christine ><>

Disturbing Interruptions

Have you ever had a "disturbing interruption?"  Something unexpected happen, such as not getting an apartment that you expected, not getting the job that you interviewed for, or relationships that didn't last (all of which happened to me)?  However, in those cases, I got a better apartment, a better job, and I could have never married those guys!  Those seemingly "disturbing interruptions" actually were just God's plan stepping in.  In these seasons of my life, God has taught me to trust Him, pray for peace and understanding (not deliverance), that all things work together for my good, and that He has something better planned for me than I can ever imagine.  Next time you see something as an "interruption," trust that God has a plan in motion and He is not going to withhold anything good from you.

In Christ,
Christine ><>

Settling

At this point in my life, it is very easy to "settle". I have set high expectations for myself so if I feel like I am never going to reach them, I will be tempted to settle for second-best. This is applicable in the area of relationships and my career. We all know about "settling" when it comes to mating up. It is parallel to job hunting as well. I am going for what I want and not settling for something second-rate. So what is the danger of settling, not hoping, not wanting? It is this point that I don't trust God. I take matters into my own hands and find something that will just do. In Mark 10:46-52, Jesus asks, "What do you want me to do for you?" Jesus literally came out and was like, "So what's up? What do you desire? What can I do for you today?" That's awesome! So not only do I have a Savior who cares for me, but One who just asks what I want. However, what is your first response when He asks you that question? I feel unworthy and undeserving, and I feel like I shouldn't even bother asking Him because it is "too" big and I don't expect Him to fulfill it. I often just wave my hand and say, "Whatever Your will is." That may come off as trusting in the Lord, but it's not. That is a fearful answer, thinking God can't give me what I ask for. In this passage, Jesus gave Bartimaeus what he asked for. I can tell God I want His will, but I can also tell Him what I desire. For example: "Lord, I want your will to be done in my career. I would like a job at X School this school year." Disappointment is unmet expectations. When I face disappointment, I just brush it off, or in some cases, feel sorry for myself. In those seasons, I am not confident and I see God as a blurry figure like I can't figure out what He is doing. The response God is looking for is praise in His plan and us coming to Him sharing our feelings and desires. How lucky are we that we can go to the Lord any time and just tell Him what's on our mind? I can unload my burdens with Him and share my disappointments. My Savior has faced disappointment; He understands. The really important part is where we go with an aching heart. I often go to other people when I am hurting instead of the Lord. When I am hurting, my Savior is waiting for me with open arms. He wants to comfort me. I can find that comfort in His Word. I pray that you are trusting in the Lord as well, and not settling. In Christ, Christine ><>

Better Than My Dreams

If you read my previous post, you have seen that in the last year the Lord has been teaching me about patience and trust as I apply for teaching jobs. I have read two books the past year that have helped me so much in this journey: Better Than My Dreams by Paula Rinehart and Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. I have been keeping a journal as I have read these books and I would like to share my thoughts to encourage anyone else who is in the same stage of life as me (looking for a job, uncertain about the future). **And sorry about the spacing in these posts. For some reason, blogger won't let me control the spacing between paragraphs. If you know how to fix this, leave a comment.** The "video" of my life has definitely played out differently than I originally hoped it would or thought it should. I thought by now I would be married and working. Here I am at 23, single and unemployed. However, a better plan did unfold that I didn't expect. I didn't expect the blessings of my sorority Alpha Delta Chi. I met my lifetime friends and grew so much socially and spiritually. Through them I also got involved in Campus Outreach. There I was blessed enough to receive the spiritual training that I have had and been on Summer Beach Project and CCP to Thailand. I have had time to grow in the Lord and learn more about my profession in this time in graduate school in which I have been substitute teaching. Sometimes I worry that God is holding out on me. With this job hunt, I am afraid He is saying "no" or "wait." However, after reading Isaiah 40, I can't tell God that He doesn't understand my desires. He is the One that gave me such desires! He is the Everlasting God, the Lord, Creator of the ends of the earth. He doesn't grow weary (v. 28) and never suffers setbacks. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak (v. 29). Those who wait on the Lord will gain new strength, mount up with wings like eagles, run and not get tired, walk and not become weary (v. 31). He is all-powerful and all-knowing. Wouldn't He have my best interests at heart? Oftentimes as humans, we suffer from entitlement. Entitlement is when we think God owes us; we think we deserve to have our dreams fulfilled. We sure don't! Life is a gift. We should be grateful for what we have. If we are not, we can be easily frustrated and disappointed. "The virus of entitlement will eventually steal from you nearly everything that's good. It will bar the door to a genuine, honest experience with God that includes the best of times-and some of the worst-all in the same container." -Paula Rinehart We see in Hebrews 2:9-10 that Jesus tasted death as a work of God's grace alone on behalf of everyone. Jesus fulfilled God's great plan for human beings. He was made lower than angels and suffered death on a cross, all to fulfill God's plan. We must learn to sacrifice our lives and desires for God's great plan. I see in Hebrews 13:20-21 that the same power that rose Jesus from the dead is in me! God equips me in every good thing to do HIS will. And He gets the glory out of it. Whatever God wants me to do with my life, He will equip me for, I have no reason to think I can't do it. I have been a believer for four years now but it is only in the last couple of years that I have really felt like I am scratching the surface on experiencing the Lord. I believe that God is slowly revealing more of His character to me. He wants me to keep growing and learning and He will keep teaching me the rest of my life. If this time of unemployment and singleness is for that, then by all means God, bring it on! Paula Rinehart describes "wild hope" in her book. I experience "wild hope" when I see God create a new ending out of a rough beginning, or a new beginning out of a rough ending. I had that feeling after an awful freshmen year at UNA. And what a wonderful time the rest of college was! I feel it now as I have a hope for what the Lord holds for me in the future. I have a hope that He will provide a job where I can work hard to bring Him glory. I will continue to be reflecting on this subject in the days to come. Thanks for reading and stay tuned. In Christ, Christine ><>

The Lord has been teaching me so much since this time last year. It started with the questioning of what to do with my career since I just graduated college. In my journal that I kept while in Thailand, I made a list of “options” having to do with my degree. That list includes nine different routes I could take. It may seem great to have a great list of options, but sometimes that is hard too; I can’t decide what to do! So I spent time last summer journaling my thoughts about each option: what I would be doing, pros, cons, and my general thoughts on each. It was great working through that but here I am, one year later, completely lost. It is August 4th and I have no idea what my future holds. I plan to graduate with my Master’s in December, but anything can change. What the Lord has taught me in the last year is the only thing that I can hold onto during this time. He has been teaching me that I am His child, that He cares for me, and that He wants the best for me. Here is Scripture that He used to speak to me: Genesis 2-3: God refrained from giving Adam and Eve certain knowledge (from the Tree of Life) because it was best for them not to know. It is best for me not to know every detail of my future. Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” Wouldn’t it make sense to believe this about God when He just rescued His people from Egypt? He is going to take care of me, even when I have trials. He will fight for me. Psalm 139:16 “in your book were written, every one of them, the days were formed for me, when as yet there was one of them.” Even before my parents knew of me, when I was still in my mother’s womb, the Lord was already showing His care for me. My life began in the womb and God had already laid out its course. Can’t I trust Him that He knows what He is doing? Matthew 6:26 “Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” God takes care of the birds. He feeds them, knows what is best for them. Jesus says I am worth more than birds, so if the lesser is true, isn’t the greater also? Luke 11:9-13 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who seeks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent, or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!” My parents care for me and know what’s best for me. Wouldn’t my heavenly Father know what’s best for me too? Even more so than my parents? He will give me what I ask for according to His plans, which are better than I can imagine. Luke 12:28 “But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you!” Think about grass and how quickly it fades. Doesn’t God care for me more than grass? Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” God’s purpose is bigger and better than I can imagine! Wouldn’t He know what’s good for me, for my sanctification and His greater purpose? Romans 8:32 “He who did not spare His son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?” What would seem like best would be for God to spare His Son. But it wasn’t for our best. What is best for us was that Jesus would die so we could spend eternity in heaven. I can trust that God will fulfill His promises. I know that there are countless more verses that prove God’s faithfulness and the fact that He cares for us. But the Lord has been teaching me through the above verses that He is for me, not against me (Romans 8:31). He wants what is best for me, which is already planned out for His purpose. What I am anxious about the most right now is my future. It is going to be better than my dreams because He promises it will be! In Christ, Christine ><>